The Joys of Bum Blasting

And why you should take it up too.

Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

Living in the Middle East has opened my eyes to bottom hygiene and I’ve come to realise how we in the West have been doing it wrong for so long.

I am talking about how best to clean your bottom after you’ve been for a poop.

Most people reading this will wipe their bums in the manner they’ve been taught since they were a child. Paper, wipe, repeat until no marks on the paper and finish. Now, depending on the nature and consistency of the poop, you will use more or less paper. Sometimes there are no stains on the paper; other times the wiping goes on for ever and just doesn’t end. We’ve all been there.

Not wiping correctly is a thing, either because it is done poorly or done to excess. Under wiping can lead to infection and irritation whilst over wiping, or scrubbing, can lead to Polished Anus Syndrome or PAS (as defined by the American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons).

Ouch.

Wet wipes can help reduce “perianal dermatitis” but there are many drawbacks to using them. The first is the effect on the environment, for whilst they are designed to be flushed, they take a long time to decompose as they are generally made from polyester or a blend of plastics. In the UK alone, the cost of unblocking pipes due in good part to the flushing of wipes, is more than GBP 100 million per year. The other effects are allergic reactions to the preservatives in the wipes, even to the all-natural ones.

Now, many continental Europeans have been using bidets for decades for their below-the-waist hygiene, be it bum cleansing or female hygiene. And yes, for feet too. Whilst an excellent method for maintaining a clean anus, most people cannot be arsed (pun intended) to squat over a bidet each time they go and use their hands to help clean their poop-hole, for only a few provide a jet of water that miss the spot anyway. Unless there has been a major bottom-eruption, bidets are shunned by most. And anyway, good luck in finding one in a public toilet.

Enter the bum blaster!

The idea is very simple, comprising of a shower head with a trigger connected to the same water supply as the…